Trust Yourself

Two days ago, while tending to JP & Patch, my horse & donkey in -13 degree weather, I saw a pile of feathered fluff in the snow. It was a shivering blue jay, w/ its head tucked into itself, trying desperately to get warm. With that, I picked him up & put him in my coveralls. We went to the house, found some Turtle fur fleece warmers, & I placed him in a box in the heated basement.
All I could get him to take was water, placing it on the tip of his black beak. He would swallow it, but I couldn’t get him to take any more, at least not yet. And he was emaciated. But he still pooped, and pooped…
I brought him to work w/ me. My co-workers are used to me showing up w/ critters. I bring my parrots in sometimes. I even had a mouse in for a day. The beautiful jay preferred to stay on my arm or finger. So the whole day was entering data one-armed. He was way too quiet for a wild bird. I know this. But his heart wasn’t racing. He flew up onto my computer screen. He flitted over to the window & looked outside, without pounding at the window- just sitting there. He learned step up faster than any of my parrots.
I didn’t think I’d be able to rehab him properly, so I asked my co-worker, who also takes in critters. She found this lady close to where I live, who’s been doing this for thirteen years So, after spending the whole day w/ this sweet bird, I dropped him off there. She was a very sweet, caring lady. She held him, said how thin he was, & didn’t really hold much hope for him. With that , she placed him in this bright flannel box w/ a heating pad.
I called the next day & her husband said he had died by the time she went down to check on him.
My heart hurts. He trusted me. We bonded. I held him all day. When others came around, he’d get closer to me. But my guilt is two sided (like a typical Libra) If I kept him & he died, I’d thing I should’ve given him to the lady. Since he died so soon after I left him, I feel I let him down.
If/when it happens again, I’m going w/ my gut & will take it on myself, as long as no physical injury is apparent. They find me, so it’s only a matter of time. But next time I will trust myself.

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